Well, I just experienced another breakup tonight. "Supernatural" is no longer my hot, shiny boyfriend. Sure, all was lovely for a while. But he quickly went from being my dream man into some greasy, fat bastard sitting in a trailer eating one of those Hungry Man frozen dinners. I dunno, I couldn't stay hooked on it like I did the X-Files. Ah, well. We tried. I'LL MISS YOU, WINCHESTERS. ♥

AND OF COURSE IT LOOKS LIKE FUCKING CBS IS GOING TO CANCEL NUMBERS AND I'M A BIG FAT FAILURE TURTLE WHO GOT INTO A SHOW DURING WHAT COULD BE ITS LAST SEASON. AIEE!!!

(I know the above sentence isn't grammatically correct, but fuck it.)

( Fic-related bitching )

Wow, that cut was not well-thought-out and all over the place, but I don't care. I just spent my entire night reading some most awesome Numb3rs fic instead of watching RAW and I am duly ashamed. OFF TO BED WITH MEEEEEEEE!

Holy crap, you guys - this PMS-fueled eating rampage I'm on has to stop! I've done quite well (at least I think so, anyway) on trying to slow down the inevitable diabetes with a healthy diet and exercise, but it's like the hormones hit and I eat all sorts of weird shit. D:

( RAW was pretty epic last night... )

Also, I'm digging Jeff Hardy's new haircut, lack of stupid facial hair, new tattoo and wedding band. Maybe he's trying to make himself less "pretty" to all of the big burly men in prison? ;-) (I'm never going to let this one go, folks.) Seriously, though, I'm all for the clean-cut look right now. I've spent years and years lusting over tatted-up, greasy people and frankly, my sex drive needs a break. So. Jeff, you're cute. <3

WTF, estrogen? When did I turn into everyone's mother? :P

With that I go to bed! GOOD NIGHT!

Dear John Cena:

Would you please go away? You always ruin my viewing of Monday Night Raw. I really can’t stand you at all. No, really. I can’t stand those big blue eyes. Ugh, and that charming smile with the dimples? Ew, that’s got to go. Also, what’s the normal-toned skin? Why can’t you be like everyone else and have a tangerine-colored spray tan? And no baby oil whatsoever to make you resemble a gay p0rn star? Bleh! Classically handsome men are so out of style.

I really don’t get what’s so great about you, John. So what if you originally wanted to be in the military before you discovered pro wrestling? So what if you’ve gone overseas to do every “Tribute to the Troops” since that program started? I mean, you’re doing your job without pay to a bunch of men and women who are away from home? And you actually LIKE it and you support the troops? Sell-out. I can’t stand people like you. It's not like I have a soft spot for our military.

And then you’re an Ambassador for the Make-a-Wish Foundation? Kids really want to see you? AND YOU’RE NICE TO THEM AND GENUINELY LIKE MAKING THEM HAPPY? Freaking loser.

In fact, there’s NOTHING about you that I find even REMOTELY lovable. Your on-key rendition of “Rocky Top” totally didn’t make me love you. Your positive attitude and being an all-around nice guy is such a turn off. Who wants to hang out with a down-to-earth celebrity?!

That’s it, John. You’re not gaining another fan via yours truly. Do you REALLY think I’d have your entrance theme as my ring tone or that I’d have a poster of you above my bed next to a poster of Randy Orton?



*snort* Heck, I wouldn’t even spend tonight ordering a coffee mug emblazoned with a picture of you.

No love,

Ashley

(Would you look at that -- someone broke into my house and defaced my bedroom wall! *fistshake* THEY WILL PAY.)

Hee, I'm so hormonal and in love... ♥ So here are some huge-ass pictures for my own personal enjoyment.

( I gots love for clean-cut men too. yo )

Okay, I'm done for now. Back to your regularly scheduled f-listing!

Y'know, I'm quite picky about vampire stuff, but that new movie called "The Vampire's Apprentice" (or perhaps it's "assistant?" I dunno.) actually looks kind of interesting. It doesn't look remotely like "Twilight", at any rate, so I suppose that's always good.

( On the dating front... )

It may just be wishful thinking on my part, but I swear that the Undertaker's new tights have bats on the thighs. Usually the designs on them are a demon face, a rosary, or his usual symbol, but at Hell In A Cell (which my friends and I have renamed Hell In A LOL) he was sporting some rather snazzy new ring gear. I'll have to get a closer look, because I'll be absolutely heartbroken if they're flying demons or something.

Also, the bats give me a mental image of 'Taker seeing his new stuf for the first time, clapping his hands and going, "FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS!" I'm not totally ready to let that go because it makes me laugh. Holy shit, if he ever found my journal he'd pound my ass, and not in the good way.

...either that or he'd cry. It'd be worth it just to see him smudge his eye makeup.

Okay, I'm starting to freak even myself out. Time to go!

Because wrestlers don't act gay enough in the ring:



YOU GUYS, I AM BOTH THRILLED AND EXTREMELY DISTURBED.

Why am I just now finding out about this video?! And who the hell is that tall, fat Dio-looking guy? OMG, this is horrible yet awesome. Hee! I love songs from musicals and "Grease" is my favorite. Danny Zuko and Rizzo are my future ex-spouses.

(Also...CM Punk, Chris Jericho and Mickie James are delicious. Mmm, I'd totally do all of them, especially Mickie. She's so fecking adorable. ♥)

Anyway, my friend Pam has decided that she wants me to meet her husband's nephew, Spanky, because we'd "make a good couple." I'm sorry, but...Spanky? That nickname for a grown man just bothers me. I'm supposed to be going on a group date with them this weekend so I'll give it a shot. And if he's some creepy redneck I can ignore him and play with JD. Godkids are great...

Jeff...damn it. Do I need to go to Cameron and slap a bitch?

( Taken from Pro Wrestling Insider )

Wonder who was more pissed - Gil or Matt?

(I'm not judging him--God knows I've done my share of shit in the past--but I'm just really frustrated right now. Fuck.)

So apparently CM Punk and Lita have been dating for the past year and just now came out and said it.

I AM THRILLED, YOU GUYS. Not only are tattooed couples hot as hell (and now I can dream of having a threesome), but now I'm getting ideas of Punk/Lita/Edge/Matt/MVP orgies. *rubs hands together evilly* we shall see. Part of me sort of wants Lita to get back into wrestling to make some great Punk/Matt storylines and then we can MVP and Edge feud over Matt. Basically 'cause Matt is MVP's man and Edge is just a slut.

BUT HE'S A VERY PRETTY SLUT.

(Also, in my mind his attraction to Matt is the whole reason for the real-life love triangle - which, in turn, brought us "The Re-enactment". That Hardy Show clip showed the world just how mentally unbalanced Matt Hardy really is.)

Man, the possibilities due to this relationship are endless... <3

Y'all can clearly see one of the reasons Matt loves Montel. I'll bet he wakes up before Montel does and bites his ass, which in turn causes Montel to promptly backhand Matt and demand that his morning coffee be brought to him in bed as compensation.

Anyway, I picked up that handsome little number whilst trolling the internets for Matt and MVP screen caps. I ended up with around 60 caps and they're great. I can't wait to macro them. <3

In closing, I have decided that between the black leather, eyeliner, makeup, man-purse, flowered purple shirt (ask me for that pic) and a rather impressive, sleek out-of-the-ring wardrobe, the Undertaker is a flaming queer. Oh, 'Taker. We wouldn't have it any other way.

You guys, I can't find my copy of Load and I'm so upset. I miss 'Tallica's bluesy days. D:

In no particular order:

1. It turns out that I was wrong about Matt going a full night without Twittering. My phone is just stupid and didn't receive the updates until this afternoon. While it's a bummer, I'm not surprised.

2. My car has a new battery that I didn't have to pay for! :D

3. I'm so thrilled that Jeff is no longer with the WWE (at least for the time being). I can start liking him again. Oh Jeff, we need you around to foil Matt's "outside the ring" shenanigans and if Montel tried to do that their gay buttsex would be exposed.

4. I'M DYING LAUGHING THAT REY MYSTERIO IS SUSPENDED.

5. For some reason my hair got horribly greasy today. Like, it is positively disgusting. Like, I know I washed it like I normally do but for some reason it was CM Punk's Twin Day today. *facepalm* Ugh, gross. I'm going to use a different shampoo.

6. I really like writing fic on the laptop. There's no way for me to get distracted and play around on the internet when I should really be concentrating on Adam/Jay pr0n.

AND WITH THAT I'M GOING TO BED.

My car battery is officially dead. I had to get a jump from one of our IT guys at work and in a fit of total GENIUS I managed to step on a fire ant hill.

I had no idea my foot could swell so much so fast. AND THAT SHIT HURT, YO. Now, however, after some Benadryl and an ice pack it's pretty much back to normal. Also, Dad is buying me a new battery because it's his fault that it died the first time around, so yay!

Otherwise, my day was just ducky! :D

Also, in random news that no one cares about, this picture of Matt makes me laugh.

I think it's something to do with Matt's face. I mean, I normally laugh at his face anyway, but he just looks so different and actually cute in a really, REALLY stupid way. Damn you Matt, for looking slightly adorable and wearing stupid emo jackets. (I think my hormones are talking. Also, in spite of Jeff's hair, nails, tattoos and pretty armbands, he is definitely the normal one in the family. Has anyone else noticed that the more Matt tries to look sane he just comes across as being even MORE of a psychopath?)

Also, remember when some chick hit Chris Jericho earlier this year and he turned and punched her back? I found this today.

LEARN YOUR PLACE, WOMAN.

So, I pulled a Matt Hardy and trawled the internet today. Found the above picture of Edge, and I'm assuming that because of my PMS-ing, my ovaries have burst at the sheer tenderness and beauty. BEHOLD THE EDGE.

I fail so hard.

Also, I made the below picture at work today and I'm ridiculously proud of it.



SOMEONE GET ME A LIFE, PLEASE.

In somewhat important news, my brother is coming to NC to visit before he gets deployed to Afghanistan. We're leaving NC to go to Nashville, TN to visit family and he'll leave from there to go home. So that means I've got to drive from Nashville back to the wee village of Mount Gilead.

I'm a little terrified.

Maybe I can find super cheap motel once I hit Asheville or Boone? I'll be a nervous wreck at that point. *wibbles*

This post is being brought to you by Edge's hip-dents.





Mmm, hip-dents. Too bad this picture is like four years old and now he's got some bitchin' love handles instead. <3

I had a pretty big kitchen fail yesterday. I had just finished quartering some potatoes for a red-skin potato salad. I was in a hurry because I'd dicked around after church and it was getting close to choir practice. Anyway, I put them in my stockpot filled with water and set them on the stove, then turned on the burner. Since it takes a while for water to boil in that particular pot, I set about doing some random things while I waited.

After a minute or so I smelled something really weird, so I turned around and there was smoke eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeverywhere. It turns out I'd turned the wrong burner on. However, the wrong burner had a metal burner cover on top.

Did you know that those things bubble when the burner setting is on "boil" for a minute or so? Well, now you do. Luckily, the burner covers were the only casualty and the rest of the meal got cooked with nary a tear or pratfall in sight.

Good thing we don't have a gas stove. *facepalm*

Anyway, RAW is coming on and I have to watch Orton be gay for Cena. <3

Dudes, I finally spazzed out and fangirled all over the place about wrestling. Seriously. Tonight's SMACKDOWN made me shriek, clap my hands and roll about on my bed. I'm not going to spoil it for people, but needless to say I was THISCLOSE to jizzing all over the place. YAY COMEBACKS.

Fuck y'all, it's FUN to flail around and be an idiot. <3

Also, I downloaded a shit-ton of Christian (the wrestler, not religon, LOL) icons at work during my lunch hour and forgot to upload them to Photobucket. Fail. It's hilarious, the vast majority of them are Christian/Jericho slash from instant-classic.org so if he ever visits that fansite he's in for a surprise.

...or IS he? ;-)

In other news, I had a dream with the song "I'm On A Boat", but it was re-done X-Men style and Professor X was all gangster and shit. I win so hard. That was hilarious...

Well, it's Friday night and I have nothing left to say except for OMGYAY SMACKDOWN WOOWOOWOO. I'm such a tool and I love it!

So, I'm doing this because, well, I'm a dumbass and easily amused.

I'll start off, then the rest are behind a cut.



I'm not sure whose legs those are; judging by how fucked up they are and the camo pants I'm willing to bet that it's Matt. But oh God, HHH's FACE IS HILARIOUS.

( I need a life )

Yeah, okay so it mostly ended up being Matt/MVP. STFU, THEY ARE MY OTP.

Also, flaming76 and I are talking on AIM and she can remember me being in love with Jeff years ago. I DO NOT REMEMBER THIS AT ALL AND AM THEREFORE TICKLED BEYOND BELIEF. She was all, "When did you switch from Jeff to Matt?" and my reaction was, "I liked JEFF?!"

See y'all later! <3

Wow, guys. It's been a few days. Being back at work after more than a week out has me frazzled as hell. I've been running around like Undertaker is here:

Oh, Taker. You're a dumbass. Stay away from the Red Bulls.

( Beta request! )

Also...

( Sex with Mr. Morgan Y/Y? )

( Incest in slash fics )

Note: Tyson's frozen chicken tenders are the devil! Ugh, so good...

Item the First: There isn't a damn thing that can beat a summer car ride with the windows down and "Paradise City" blaring through your speakers at a deafening volume. Period.

Item the Second: Didn't get to see Harry Potter 6 or what-the-fuck-ever it is. I figured since I haven't finished all of the books I should probably get through the series first. At least I'll have one more chance to redeem myself.

Item the Third: The crush I have on Matt Hardy fades just a tiny bit every day. I think it's because he's one of the stupidest bastards on the face of this earth, which is actually a good thing because now my older brother will have some company. There are times when I'm mortified to be a Hardy fan, but I'm still proud of it in some way.

Item the Fourth: I'm starting to get into the Cena/Orton fandom. God help us all...

Item the Fifth: I remember the first time I saw this segment back in 1999 (Christian being whipped by 'Taker for revealing the whereabouts of Ken's sister to Ken), and all I could do was sit there like a horny twit and be just a tad embarrassed. Like, "Should I be seeing this?"

Now? I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THIS DONE TO CHRISTIAN EVERY NIGHT. While he's naked. Oh Gawd. I love the fact that Edge was one of the people holding him down. I also love all of the noises being made, and...*sigh* Excuse me. I need a moment.

I actually wrote short fic last night and I'm kind of happy with it, in spite of the subject matter being sorta angsty. It's Matt/MVP, because holy crap I can't get enough of those two. Snark = sex with them, for srs. I'm not totally satisfied with it, though - I still need to tweak the ending a bit, but this is the first thing I've written in years that hasn't found its home in the proverbial wastebin. So I'll probably screw around with it either tonight or tomorrow. Then I'll come whining to you guys for a beta job. *bats eyelashes and shows cleavage*

Tonight might not be so good because I'm considering going with Ashley, Amanda, and some other dorks to see the newest HP movie at midnight. Yeah. Me at midnight after two hours of Vacation Bible School is going to be fun. Okay, it's really not that bad since I'm doing snacks and whatnot, and the kids were disturbingly quiet during their meals. Part of me thinks that my blind hatred towards humans under ten years of age has skewered my view of children and makes me think the worst about them. ;-) Then again part of me thinks that I'm actually correct on this point (kids can be right dicks these days!) and so I don't feel guilty about it at all! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

In other news, I'm kind of torn about the G.I. Joe previews. I don't know about you guys, but I'm very possessive and paranoid about my childhood entertainment. Thank goodness Transformers didn't suck, but I don't know about Joe. If it sucks I'll probably emotionally eat like 5 large pizzas and then cry myself to sleep...

Anyway, I don't have anything else to say and it's time I went to the fellowship hall and set shit up. I less than three you guys!

If only. Because some of Matt's MySpace pictures literally make me squee with fangirly glee.


Matt's caption for this one read to the effect of: "A couple of guys...becoming partners and friends...on camera and off!" To which I say, "Yeah, you're partners all right." Just take Matt's dad out of the equation, and Matt has practically confirmed himself and MVP as a couple (and has effectively made me come in my pants). Aww, Matt, you even brought MVP home to meet your dad. HOW CUTE.


The caption for this picture said, "This man and I hold some of the biggest secrets in the WWE..." To which I say, "the fact that you're both homosexuals has not escaped us, Matthew." Matt + Edge = great couple and epic sexual tension, what with the Lita fiasco from years ago. Rawr. I guarantee you they had glorious make-up sex, though. Good Lord. (If nippa56 hadn't written those marvelous Matt/MVP fics, these two would so totally be my OTP.)

I'm really done for tonight. I'm going to dream about these three young guys having a delicious menage a trois! ::foams at the mouth::

Since last week I've sort of been ignoring the frenzy surrounding Michael Jackson's death because it never felt like it really happened. But I watched the memorial today and I can honestly say I've never cried over a celebrity's death until now. He was my musical obsession before I got into Metallica, and the superfan feelings came back full force. Man, he's not here anymore...

RIP Michael. :\

I jizzed all over the place while watching RAW last night. I love Ted DiBiase Sr. He brought back the douchey "Million Dollar Man" persona back full force and I was in heaven. And when Teddy Jr. was wrestling Randy Orton? EPIC SEXUAL TENSION. I need to find a video of Randy slithering around the ring because holy shit, that's hot. Rawr!

( Six Interests Meme )

Ugh, so I just found out that Edge has torn his Achilles tendon. Oh Edge. You're a clumsy, injury-prone bastard but that's why we love you. Hope your healing goes okay, even if that means going without your retarded ass for a while. And it seemed as though you were turning face for the first time in forever, too. What a shame...

Who am I going to mock for the next six months?

Also, I read spoilers for tomorrow's episode of RAW and I really, really REALLY wish I hadn't. I suck so hard. Now an epic moment will not be epic for me because I have no self-control! BAWWWW.

*curls into a ball and weeps*

That being said, this week is shaping up to be pretty great! I leave this Friday for St. Louis. Joy!