Every time I look at my default icon I think, "Aging has not been kind to Edge."

Anyway.

Today I leave to visit Emily - huzzah! My plane leaves from Charlotte, I have a layover in Detroit, then end up in St. Louis. From there it's going to be an awesome weekend full of food, climbing on shit in museums, Randy Orton-hunting and just generally having a fun time with my lovely twin sister. (I'm not lying, she really is the better/less manly-looking one between us.)

Other good news is that I got a scholarship for my nursing stuff! You guys, I shrieked with glee when I opened the envelope. I'm not kidding. It's for the 2009-2010 school year (fall, spring and summer) and seeing how this curriculum is for three semesters, I'm going to get at least a little bit of help along the way. So I've done a little jig over that. Not sure how much it's for, you don't find that out until you go to the scholarship ceremony, but every little bit counts, you know?

HAPPY VACATION TO MEEEEEEE!!!

Well, it turns out that I'm not getting a Pell Grant for school this year. I kinda figured that I wouldn't, but it's still a little annoying when I end up in a class, knowing that the money went to White Trash Teen Mom - who, by the way, is dressed in all name-brand clothing and is currently talking about how she's pregnant and unemployed AGAIN and her boyfriend broke up with her, but that's okay because he AND the government has taken care of her other three kids that she had when she dropped out of high school.

Oh wow, that sounded bitter! ;-) Notice how much my writing skills deteriorate when I'm irritated.

I know, I know, there are people out here who legitimately need the money. Hell, even White Trash Teen Mom may have a legitimate need. Still, though, don't expect my pity when you're dressed to the fucking nines and you can't even afford to feed your kids without government assistance. You don't need an Abercrombie and Fitch hoodie for yourself. What you need is simple, nutritious food for yourself AND your kids.

Wow, went off on another tangent there.

Maybe I can get a scholarship from the school, but I'll probably be turned down like I am every year. But hey! According to the FAFSA website, my "estimated family contribution" towards my education is $5,500.00. Because you know, my parents totally don't have a mortgage, a car payment, and my mom doesn't have multiple sclerosis, along with the medical bills that come with it. Oh, no, all of that's just a publicity stunt! Five grand is just a drop in the bucket to us!

/sarcasm

Then again, I've always taken pride in the fact that I refuse to have Mommy and Daddy pay for everything, so this is the other side of that. Thank goodness I've learned better money management skills in the past year or so...

Applying for federal financial aid = tedious as all hell. Especially when you've got a retarded cat sitting RIGHT ON YOUR TAX INFORMATION. Sometimes I wonder why I even apply for it at all; I'm always rejected. Maybe I should get knocked up, have seven kids and raise them all myself. Then for once I could catch a break!

Either that or I should have given Voldemort a more normal name and claim him as a dependent.

Oh, I kid! I wouldn't do that, although I know plenty of folks who would happily cheat the system. Bastards.

Voldemort is rather upset with me at the moment. He was flopping around on my paperwork and ended up hitting keys on my keyboard. Needless to say, he was severly beaten (actually, I just yelled, "GET THE FUCK OFF!!!") and he ran to my recliner and jumped into it. I think he may eat my face after I go to sleep tonight. O_o Cat owners, you know what look I'm talking about!

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO THE NURSING PROGRAM!!!

*flails with glee*

What's even better is that it's a hybrid course - part of it is online and then we'll also meet at night and on weekends. I like that because I won't have to go part-time at work, which would really put a big strain on me financially. Another great thing is that I've already taken things like electives and required English/Math/Science courses, so the only classes I really need to worry about are the actual clinical work and the anatomy classes. Which, I hate to toot my own horn here, but I love anything dealing with the human body, so. So yeah. I'm still going to apply for financial aid; however, I may not need it too badly since the credits I've already gotten will save me quite a bit of cash.

YAY FOR ME I WIN THE INTERNETS!

Today was the supposed deadline for me to find out if I've been accepted into the LPN program. I say "supposed" because I've not heard anything. And while the logical part of me says that today was probably the deadline to send out acceptance notifications, I'm still freaking out. Hell, I wasn't able to eat lunch because my hands were shaking so badly.

I can't wait to be able to afford Zoloft again. This anxiety shit and the mood swings have got to go. I'm not sure I can handle rejection without chemical dependency. It's like I'm trying to fool myself into thinking that if I get accepted (or put on a waiting list at the very least) then I'm not a total failure. Considering the fuck-ups I've managed to pull off in the past year, I want to do at least one thing (the entrance exam) right.

I hate feeling sorry for myself while I should be feeling happy for Emily. Hell, she has to be at Scott AFB by February 17th, you'd think I could get over my personal drama to be supportive of her. No, I fail at that too. And being nervous over this stupid shit is making me dwell on all of the serious stuff I have to be worried about. It feels horribly overwhelming. And I'm trying my damnedest to get myself out of this mess but it sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm making much progress.

*sigh*