Hurr, Colby. You're stupid. I love you.

Mmm. Mom's homemade cheesecake brownies pwn every other dessert out there. *shovels into mouth*

Blah, weekend. Tiffany and I worked for a little bit this morning getting Jennifer's past due modifications caught up because she sucks. So when Dianna comes in on Monday and is excited because we're once again one step ahead of the game, Jennifer can fucking kiss our asses.

Enough of that negativity! I had a blind date today, this time with a guy named Cameron. At first I was worrying that he was going to be a big redneck or something, but he wasn't, so yay! The first thing he said upon seeing my Dropkick Murphys shirt was, "Hell yeah, Dropkick!" So I think that was a pretty good sign. Then we started talking about movies and books, and it turns out he's totally into comics, which is cool, although he mocked me for being a fan of Deadpool, which is NOT cool. D:< I told him he was gay for liking Nightwing (although I like Nightwing as well, so I can't really talk) and he started laughing, so I think that was the icebreaker. After that we started trading random insults, which is always awesome. I think he'll be a good friend to have.

For some reason, however, Pam seemed a little disappointed that I wasn't all, "ZOMG HE IS SO MY FUTURE HUSBAND!" I'm sorry, I don't believe in love at first sight. But he seems like a cool person to chill with, however, and it never hurts to make new friends. Maybe if I were in the process of actually looking for a partner I'd be more excited? Eh, whatev. Until someone sets me up on a date with Lou Diamond Phillips, I shall happily remain single (and keeping the battery companies in business.)

Speaking of which, I've got "Young Guns" back in my room and it needs to be watched. So I'm off to LOL at that. Have a great weekend, guys!

Nothing of substance tonight, but I come bearing pictures that have given me many lulz.


Take a ride on the hurr train!

( Hurr durr )

A WINNAR IS MEEEEE!

I can't believe that I forgot to tell you guys this - there's a new guy at work named Travis. I'd seen him training with Jared because he's going to be a credit analyst, but the only thing that I really took notice of is the fact that he looks just like Scott Weiland during the early days of Velvet Revolver. Heroin chic, baby. ~_^

Anyway, on Thursday I went into the kitchen to retrieve the bowl I'd brought my lunch in and Travis was at the sink watering one his bamboo plant. We both said "hi" and I jokingly asked if he'd given his plant a name, and he said no but he was open to suggestions. I told him that he should name it Obadiah and he started laughing and said, "That's a great name, but I'm not Amish!" I told him that I meant Obadiah Stane from Iron Man and he was all, "OMG, that's awesome! What other comics do you read?" We talked a little bit about comics and other geek stuff, but we were both headed out the door to go home. Anyway, the next day he said "Good morning!" and we had lunch together. I HAVE A NEW DORKY BUDDY AND I AM THRILLED! ^_________^

Holy crap, you guys - this PMS-fueled eating rampage I'm on has to stop! I've done quite well (at least I think so, anyway) on trying to slow down the inevitable diabetes with a healthy diet and exercise, but it's like the hormones hit and I eat all sorts of weird shit. D:

( RAW was pretty epic last night... )

Also, I'm digging Jeff Hardy's new haircut, lack of stupid facial hair, new tattoo and wedding band. Maybe he's trying to make himself less "pretty" to all of the big burly men in prison? ;-) (I'm never going to let this one go, folks.) Seriously, though, I'm all for the clean-cut look right now. I've spent years and years lusting over tatted-up, greasy people and frankly, my sex drive needs a break. So. Jeff, you're cute. <3

WTF, estrogen? When did I turn into everyone's mother? :P

With that I go to bed! GOOD NIGHT!

Damn, you guys. Jay-Z's "The Blueprint III" is fucking amazing. GO BUY IT, EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT A HIP-HOP FAN. THAT'S AN ORDER!

Mmm, I had an old-fashioned milkshake after supper tonight. Not that nasty crap that McDonald's or other fast-food places calla milkshake; no, this was a few scoops of ice cream with milk poured in and then blended, then given to me for my consumption. OM NOM NOM NOM. Lactaid FTW!

Matt's going to be playing a psycho on "Scare Tactics" tonight! AIEEE!!!! I'm ridiculously excited, if only because I really, really really want to see him make an ass of himself outside of the ring. He does it so well. *grins* However, I think most Mattitude followers can agree that his psychosis isn't entirely fake. *shudder* Now that I think about it, this might be a good thing for him. If the entire world manages to watch we can get him the help he needs! WE CAN HELP MATT! HOORAY!

Anyway, if I watch the entire show everything can segue right into ECW and I won't miss it like I have for the past two weeks. (What can I say, I only watch it for Christian and William Regal. Two out of their entire roster? Hmmm...)

Sorry, had to get all of the Flair out of my system. ;-)

Why do I feel like the Nature Boy, you ask? 'Cause I have the day off from work today, that's why! WOOO! The current plans for this occurence are...*checks list* nothing, nothing, and then after that I reckon I'll do another fat load of nothing.

Church provided a lot of LOL-ing on my part yesterday. To start off, we had our homecoming celebration and we always have a big lunch afterwards. So afterwards, we're cleaning up and I was putting my dessert dish into my car when some random middle-aged dude comes up and asks for my number.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Okay, so he wasn't super-creepy or anything like that (he hadn't been up to that moment, anyway) but seriously? He didn't even have all of his bottom teeth. *shudder* It was lulzy but sort of terrifying, because he was a total redneck.

Which brings me to the next part of my story! Our choir had been asked to sing at another church's revival service. Turns out, this other church was way out in the country. Ashley, Amanda and I followed our pastor and the church van was behind us. Anyway, it was kind of scary out there because first we went through a residential area, then there were fewer and fewer houses, then there was nothing but trees. With Confederate flags hanging out of them.

I'm not one of those dolts who think, "OMG CONFEDERATE FLAG IS TEH EBIL!!!" It doesn't bother me either way. But holy shit, it was like a bad stereotype come to life. The only thing that was missing was someone playing "Dueling Banjos."

Oh, Dixieland...

Y'know, I'm quite picky about vampire stuff, but that new movie called "The Vampire's Apprentice" (or perhaps it's "assistant?" I dunno.) actually looks kind of interesting. It doesn't look remotely like "Twilight", at any rate, so I suppose that's always good.

( On the dating front... )

It may just be wishful thinking on my part, but I swear that the Undertaker's new tights have bats on the thighs. Usually the designs on them are a demon face, a rosary, or his usual symbol, but at Hell In A Cell (which my friends and I have renamed Hell In A LOL) he was sporting some rather snazzy new ring gear. I'll have to get a closer look, because I'll be absolutely heartbroken if they're flying demons or something.

Also, the bats give me a mental image of 'Taker seeing his new stuf for the first time, clapping his hands and going, "FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS!" I'm not totally ready to let that go because it makes me laugh. Holy shit, if he ever found my journal he'd pound my ass, and not in the good way.

...either that or he'd cry. It'd be worth it just to see him smudge his eye makeup.

Okay, I'm starting to freak even myself out. Time to go!

Because wrestlers don't act gay enough in the ring:



YOU GUYS, I AM BOTH THRILLED AND EXTREMELY DISTURBED.

Why am I just now finding out about this video?! And who the hell is that tall, fat Dio-looking guy? OMG, this is horrible yet awesome. Hee! I love songs from musicals and "Grease" is my favorite. Danny Zuko and Rizzo are my future ex-spouses.

(Also...CM Punk, Chris Jericho and Mickie James are delicious. Mmm, I'd totally do all of them, especially Mickie. She's so fecking adorable. ♥)

Anyway, my friend Pam has decided that she wants me to meet her husband's nephew, Spanky, because we'd "make a good couple." I'm sorry, but...Spanky? That nickname for a grown man just bothers me. I'm supposed to be going on a group date with them this weekend so I'll give it a shot. And if he's some creepy redneck I can ignore him and play with JD. Godkids are great...

First off, I am safe and (not so mentally) sound at home. I'm glad that I didn't crash in the rain we had today. SHOOP DA WHOOP.

Secondly, this is what I get for fucking about on Cracked today.

http://www.cracked.com/article/125_13-real-animals-lifted-directly-out-your-nightmares/

http://www.cracked.com/article_15816_5-most-horrifying-bugs-in-world.html

This one, however, made everything a bit less scary and therefore I think I'll survive the night!

http://www.cracked.com/article_16584_real-world-fears-behind-8-popular-movie-monsters.html

And with that, it's bedtime! <3

Back in NC - yay! At the moment I am chilling with Mary and Nicki 'cause they're nice enough to let me stay the night before I head on back to crappy little Mt. Gilead. ~_^ Right now Mary is cooking delicious spaghetti (I was a twat and had to beg out of cooking, but I'm so tired that it's really hard to feel like a douchebag) and I'm also stealing some of their internet. HOORAY!

Unfortunately, I forgot to bring AA batteries for my camera so if we were to have off-beat shenanigans there would be no photographic evidence. Eh, I look like ass today anyway. The only real picture I want is of Mary's face when I totally pwned my front bumper on the curb in front of their apartment.

Y'know, I started this entry like an hour ago but between "Futurama" and the rest of the online world I've yet to finish it. So yeah, I'm gonna do that now. Then it's off to either pester the cats or LOL at my hosts. :::GLEE:::

I don't know why I'm singing stupid "Rocky Top"; Tennessee got their asses fucking handed to them by Florida in football today. *sadface* NOOOOO!!! I'm so upset. At least my aunt hasn't called to gloat yet.

(Also, the Nashville Predators owned the Carolina Hurricanes last night in hockey, so. <3)

I had some delicious Zaxby's for supper, and while those spicy honey mustard chicken wings are good going in, they don't feel good coming out. Holy shit.

( I really shouldn't be online )

I took a break from this entry and got all of my clothes packed up (rather nicely, I think) and so as soon as I throw in toiletries, I'll be all set.

(ALSO, I AM SO EXCITED FOR FRIDAY 'CAUSE I'LL GET TO MEET isilrandir and duffnstuff! YAY!)

So, unless I manage to harass talk with some of you fine folks on AOL Messenger tonight, I'll see ya in a week or so!

You guys, I can't find my copy of Load and I'm so upset. I miss 'Tallica's bluesy days. D:

In no particular order:

1. It turns out that I was wrong about Matt going a full night without Twittering. My phone is just stupid and didn't receive the updates until this afternoon. While it's a bummer, I'm not surprised.

2. My car has a new battery that I didn't have to pay for! :D

3. I'm so thrilled that Jeff is no longer with the WWE (at least for the time being). I can start liking him again. Oh Jeff, we need you around to foil Matt's "outside the ring" shenanigans and if Montel tried to do that their gay buttsex would be exposed.

4. I'M DYING LAUGHING THAT REY MYSTERIO IS SUSPENDED.

5. For some reason my hair got horribly greasy today. Like, it is positively disgusting. Like, I know I washed it like I normally do but for some reason it was CM Punk's Twin Day today. *facepalm* Ugh, gross. I'm going to use a different shampoo.

6. I really like writing fic on the laptop. There's no way for me to get distracted and play around on the internet when I should really be concentrating on Adam/Jay pr0n.

AND WITH THAT I'M GOING TO BED.

My car battery is officially dead. I had to get a jump from one of our IT guys at work and in a fit of total GENIUS I managed to step on a fire ant hill.

I had no idea my foot could swell so much so fast. AND THAT SHIT HURT, YO. Now, however, after some Benadryl and an ice pack it's pretty much back to normal. Also, Dad is buying me a new battery because it's his fault that it died the first time around, so yay!

Otherwise, my day was just ducky! :D

Also, in random news that no one cares about, this picture of Matt makes me laugh.

I think it's something to do with Matt's face. I mean, I normally laugh at his face anyway, but he just looks so different and actually cute in a really, REALLY stupid way. Damn you Matt, for looking slightly adorable and wearing stupid emo jackets. (I think my hormones are talking. Also, in spite of Jeff's hair, nails, tattoos and pretty armbands, he is definitely the normal one in the family. Has anyone else noticed that the more Matt tries to look sane he just comes across as being even MORE of a psychopath?)

Also, remember when some chick hit Chris Jericho earlier this year and he turned and punched her back? I found this today.

LEARN YOUR PLACE, WOMAN.

First off: my mom has started calling the cat Sidewinder because of this weird sideways, antelope-esque leap he does. I'm in love with the name already...

Second great thing: Slash was at Summerslam and he made a comment that WWE Divas "look like pissed-off strippers." OH SLASH, I LOVE YOU SO HARD. <3333

Dudes, this hot weather has to stop. The humidity is making my hair look a lot like CM Punk's. I need to find a picture of him looking extra greasy and skanky so that the current state of my hair can be properly explained. *shudder*

I've actually started two new fics but I can't do anything with them yet because they're on the laptop and I don't have a flash drive. Yes, you read that right - I am now the proud parent of a laptop! *glee* Her name is Geraldine and she's awesome. I don't have access to the interbutts on it yet because I can't afford it right now, but once my Alltel contract runs out I'll be able to get a phone where I just buy minutes and then I can get a wireless card. *rubs hands together evilly*

I've nothing more to say except that I want this as a poster to hang up in my bedroom:

I have to get this off my chest.

flaming76 aka Rebecca and I are on AIM working on a Lars Ulrich/Matt Hardy plotrat (don't ask) and this is a snippet of our awesome conversation:

Me: i'm trying to imagine matt and lars on a road trip - or rather, how they end up traveling together.
Rebecca: ..SCAVENGER HUNT!!!! a cross country scavenger hunt! and they are racing against Adam and ...crap...who is they other blond guy...ring name Christine
Me: heehee!!!! Christian, not Christine!!!! OH GOD THAT IS HILARIOUS.
Rebecca: sorry...I've been listening to Phantom of the Opera ;-)
Me: ah, is okay. god, now i'll have mental images of matt as raoul, christian as christine and adam as the phantom.
Rebecca: MVP could be dreaming the about PotO...
Me: ahahahaha WTF MVP THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
Me: well, montel IS a classy fellow. he'd probably be all over PoTO and matt would be like, "fag."

So now instead of a Matt and Lars road trip, I'm thinking of Montel being in love with "Phantom of the Opera" and dreaming about it, just with the aforementioned guys in those roles. Aww, bless.

ETA: my AIM username is StabbinEmUp. Kinda stole it from Brian since that's his slogan. GOTTA LOVE BOD MOD ARTISTS.

It's going to be a Metallica weekend. WUNDERBAR!

My parents just got home from Wal-Mart (yes, we are so unabashedly redneck that we have weekly Wal-Mart excursions) and they bought me a new road atlas! *claps hands gleefully* Now, I know it's not the most exciting thing in the world, but you guys have no idea about how easy I am to amuse. I just spent 15-20 minutes looking at different towns and squealing every time I see a particularly awesome name. <3

*facepalm*

Dear John Cena,

Please stop getting pictures like the above taken. It's kind of hard to mock you when I'm popping phantom boners.

....

Oh, who am I kidding? I do it with Matt Hardy all the time. Still, though, GTFO my pleasure centers.

Love,
Ashley

I really should be revising the fic that nippa56 was so kind to beta for me, but I can't be arsed to do it just yet. Actually, I can, but right now I'm too distracted by the glory of the internets.

President Obama has been making me LOL recently so I'll have to make a post about that tomorrow. 'Cause I'm too lazy to do it tonight. I've also got Randy/John buttsex on the brain. GLEE!

This post is being brought to you by Edge's hip-dents.





Mmm, hip-dents. Too bad this picture is like four years old and now he's got some bitchin' love handles instead. <3

I had a pretty big kitchen fail yesterday. I had just finished quartering some potatoes for a red-skin potato salad. I was in a hurry because I'd dicked around after church and it was getting close to choir practice. Anyway, I put them in my stockpot filled with water and set them on the stove, then turned on the burner. Since it takes a while for water to boil in that particular pot, I set about doing some random things while I waited.

After a minute or so I smelled something really weird, so I turned around and there was smoke eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeverywhere. It turns out I'd turned the wrong burner on. However, the wrong burner had a metal burner cover on top.

Did you know that those things bubble when the burner setting is on "boil" for a minute or so? Well, now you do. Luckily, the burner covers were the only casualty and the rest of the meal got cooked with nary a tear or pratfall in sight.

Good thing we don't have a gas stove. *facepalm*

Anyway, RAW is coming on and I have to watch Orton be gay for Cena. <3

First off, here's a sentence from Matt's most recent blog:

"I'm fully focused on returning to Smackdown and making it the Matt Hardy Show!"

GOD HELP US ALL. D:

Lola is being particularly stupid today. I love her with everything I have but holy crap. She's all about me using these weird country-bumpkin apps on Facebook and WILL NOT LET UP. Today I said, "Just because you're from the same county as Matt doesn't mean you have to be as dumb and internet-obsessed as him!" To which I had a pen thrown at my head. This is what real friendships are made of, guys. It really is. (Either that or after 6 years we've decided the other has way too many faults to even try to fix them all.)

Also, what is it with all of you Facebook peeps and this Farm Town/Farmville application? STOP SENDING ME INVITES, YOU HICKS.